Monday, July 15, 2024

The Baboons, Monkeys, and the Farmer

In a dense forest, where baboons and monkeys swung from tree to tree, a peculiar incident unfolded. Rumors spread like wildfire among the chattering creatures that the notorious man who had relentlessly chased them away from the fertile maize field had met his demise. Excitement filled the air, and the baboons and monkeys couldn't contain their jubilation. They believed that their days of evading the farmer's wrath were finally over.

The news of their supposed victory echoed through the forest, reaching every corner and crevice. The baboons hooted gleefully while the monkeys chattered with delight. They imagined a world where they could feast on the ripe, golden maize without fear of being driven away. Their imaginations ran wild with visions of abundant harvests and endless nourishment.

However, as the seasons changed and the following year arrived, a sense of unease enveloped the forest. The once-thriving maize field stood barren, devoid of the towering stalks that had once held the promise of sustenance. The baboons and monkeys, now plagued by hunger, realized the bitter truth they had overlooked in their celebration.

It dawned on them that the very man they had despised and celebrated the demise of was, in fact, the farmer responsible for cultivating the maize field. They had mistakenly considered him an enemy, failing to recognize that his purpose was not to harm them but to provide for his own livelihood. The farmer's efforts, though seemingly hostile, were essential for the growth of the maize they so desperately relied upon.

In the midst of their hunger and regret, a profound realization washed over the baboons and monkeys. They understood that not all enemies are truly enemies. Sometimes, the challenges and adversities they face come into their lives to teach them invaluable lessons. The loss of the farmer revealed the intricate balance of nature—the interdependence between species and the delicate harmony necessary for survival.

From that day forward, the baboons and monkeys carried the weight of their misjudgment, vowing to approach their surroundings with wisdom and discernment. They learned to appreciate the interconnectedness of all living beings and the importance of understanding the intentions behind seemingly hostile actions.

In their newfound understanding, the baboons and monkeys shared their tale with the younger generations, passing down the wisdom that difficult individuals may be disguised as teachers. They hoped that future generations would learn from their mistakes and foster compassion and empathy rather than hastily labeling others as toxic.

And so, the story of the baboons and monkeys served as a timeless reminder that life's trials are often necessary for growth and understanding. Through their misstep, they discovered the profound truth that not all adversaries are enemies, and sometimes, the greatest lessons are learned in the most unexpected ways.

Friday, July 05, 2024

The Human Will: Towards a Philosophy of Religion (Jeremy Eliab)

The Human Will: Towards a Philosophy of Religion

For my friends Ediboy Calasanz and Fr. Roque J. Ferriols, S.J., in memory of our struggles.

A Reflection on Maurice Blondel's L’Action

by Jeremy S. Eliab

Humans always desire something; they always have something they long for in their lives, whether they admit it or not. These desires remain within themselves, but they may also be aware of some. They strive to fulfill the desires they are aware of in their lives. It could be a significant ambition or vocation or a simple rest after a long period of labor. Some are realized, while others fail, but the will always remain with desires and ambitions to be fulfilled in life.

There is always something in the human will, an "unsettled heart" constantly seeking. This is a truth that can never be denied: the human will. There is something inside a person that always wants to be achieved in life, sometimes struggling, sometimes at peace. But this will is never completely at peace—it is always seeking something, like an unending endeavor throughout life.

Maurice Blondel sought to examine this in his doctoral thesis L’Action (1893). He began to explore the path of the will, the desires of man, and the path of human intentions. In the light of the human will, there is a more direct question behind the desires and feelings: Does human life have meaning? Does man have a direction? (LA, 3). If man is just a collection of his feelings, what is the meaning and purpose of human life? If man is governed by his feelings beyond himself, what is his freedom to decide for himself? Isn't the very will that dominates human freedom a sad vision and fate for man?

I admit that Blondel's masterpiece is difficult to read, especially since almost all texts available are translations from French. Despite this, Blondel seeks to show a common truth, particularly to those who philosophize and believe, to reflect on the value of their relationship with God's will. From an academic perspective, it is also an invitation to non-believers to reflect on the value of their relationship with an Absolute presumed only in an idea. It is also an invitation to those who do not believe, to those who are not Christians, to look at the human will and seek the small voices of calling. His extensive research aims to consider all assumptions, weighing whether this is the entirety of what a person desires in life.

This reflection will discuss the human will that leads to a Philosophy of Religion. In Blondel's effort to present the different objects of human will in life, how does the Philosophy of Religion enter a human contemplation, a human effort to fulfill and realize the will? If man is a being that moves towards his fulfillment, where and in whom will he find fulfillment in discussing the human will? Where does the peace of the dynamic reside? These are the questions addressed in this paper. In the final part, I will provide reflections on human will with the help of Gabriel Marcel.

L’Action

The time of L'Action was filled with efforts to separate philosophy from theology. During Blondel's time, French life was dominated by humanistic and secular ideals heavily influenced by Comte, Taine, and Renouvier. Many philosophers criticized L'Action because it discussed faith through the discipline of Philosophy. They saw it as another interference of thought in faith or a philosophical thought that aimed only to defend theology. Blondel wanted to advocate a philosophical work that led to an awareness of God, not a forced philosophy that presupposed faith before reflection, but allowed the movement of reflection, the movement of awareness, in a rigorous movement of questioning and analysis, leading wherever it may lead, without ontological presuppositions.

Thus, the entire movement of discussion is a voluntary entry into true reflection, free and open to all possibilities and all stands. It examines the ability of each stance—whether it is appropriate and sufficient or lacking and must be surpassed, abandoned, and rejected ultimately (LA, 12). According to Blondel, at the beginning of L’Action:

At the root of the most disrespectful denial or the most foolish indulgence of the will, we must learn if there is no ancient movement that always remains loved and desired, even if we do not admit it or abuse it... We must put ourselves at the utmost extreme of conflicting lines to grasp, at its center, the precious truth in every awareness and the common movement in all wills (LA, 12).

Thus, using its own basis, everything is questioned according to its own nature. Everything is examined and tested if "there is sufficient explanation in themselves or rejection" (LA, 12). This inventory of the objectives desired by humans will show the possible paths of will while seeking fulfillment in life's journey. However, it is not necessary to go through all of them or follow the order presented by Blondel because "it is neither possible nor necessary to exhaust the whole world to feel that it is not one to quench our thirst" (LA, 305). What matters here is that a will seeks fulfillment, and its realization requires action. A true thirst cannot be quenched by all kinds and ways of drinking. A thirst seeking its match, as intense as its inner dynamism.


Vinculum Substantiale

Blondel's inquiry into the nature of action or practice began with classical excerpts from Aristotle. From his personal notes dated November 1882, he mentions action or practice as an accident of substance. It is indeed not the substance, but it is significant because only through it can the substance reveal and manifest its being. It is not being in its true sense, but it is being, in a loose sense, in its relationship with being. This undeniable truth prompted Blondel to reflect and follow the movement of thought about the reality of action.

His introductory text on action or practice is titled Vinculum Substantiale. If he found no answer and explanation in Aristotle, he looked at the nature of action as a movement arising from the substance itself, an inner energy spontaneously "emerging, overflowing," not merely an accident. According to his note, "the good is if it is done" (NOTA, 1). Therefore, action or practice is the goodness of the substance itself. Goodness happens in action. Inaction results in the opposite, an opposition to being. Thus, action or practice is crucial because only through it can be realized, a process of actualizing and forming substance.

But it is not merely a floating process or a concept in the mind, but truly present and forming, shaping the substance. Action, as vinculum substantiale, is a connecting force, not from the outside, but an inner one forming and linking all that is in the substance. It is the cement connecting to make being whole. In Blondel's vinculum substantiale, action, or practice gained a new face, a movement not greatly concerned by previous philosophers.

From the introduction of vinculum substantiale, Blondel began to explore human life to fulfill the human will. He sought the root of human practice and its purpose and goal.


Human Will

24 November 1883 – I will. May my whole life respond and give meaning: I will. I will to enter into the will of God, whatever God wills, as God's will for me; I do not know what that is, but with Him, I can do everything that I alone cannot..... I will, I will now so that we can say tomorrow: we will; so that we can say at the door of death: He wills (NOTA, 1).

Humans always will something. And these feelings are what they strive to enact in their lives. But inaction is also a form of action. Thus, action is an unavoidable truth in human life because rejection is recognition. Action and movement are an inescapable act (LA, 4). But what is willed is often not enacted; it also fails. There are also times when what is unintended is accomplished, but in the end, it is accepted as willed.


In human contemplation, this is the movement of the will to connect with the surrounding world. The very desire of the will, which "seeks" and "emerges," is a sign of the human will's search for peace and fulfillment. Humans desire many things in their lives, which is what Blondel elaborates on in his entire discussion in L’Action. The will expands itself. The will journeys to seek what it seeks, whether the person knows it or not. Like a hand striving to reach the unattainable.

Sometimes a person is aware of his will, but sometimes he is unaware that another hidden will is within him. There is a will spontaneously overflowing within a person, sometimes not intended, but still willed. This is why sometimes a person desires something and suddenly says, "It seems something is missing" in what he desires. There is something a person wills, but he experiences, "it seems this is not what I willed," but it is truly willed by oneself. There is always something left unsatisfied. Like a hand reaching out, but when it grasps something concrete and valuable, it experiences that there is something even more valuable to seek. It is not because what was found has no value or is not good, but there is an inner call to continue and move forward. The external object does not completely satisfy the inner will. There is something that surpasses simply, not merely an illusion, but a truly dynamic will.

A person who decides to love another, from his freedom to "love," strives to fulfill this concretely. But while embodying this, there are times when the person also feels a doubt in his will. The love for the other person is complete, true, and sincere, but an inexplicable will turns beyond the loved one. It is not a betrayal of the will but an "unsettled will," a will not yet at home. There is another will, ancient to the person's conscious will, sometimes interfering with the decision to fulfill or always present in all decisions, desires, and intentions, pushing him to continue, move forward, and act in the journey.

This experience of insufficiency is the root of the human desire and search stemming from a will inherently embedded in man, which Blondel calls la volonté voulante (BC, 7). So, for a person who decides to love another, in the very fulfillment of what he wills, from his will, there remains an insufficiency. It does not mean the love is lacking, but while embodying the love sincerely, the will desires something else. It turns to something else and looks again at something else, not as a betrayal but as a spontaneous movement of free will. There is an inner dynamism that surpasses the desires of man.

"Now, we need to move forward" (LA, 4), says Blondel. To seek what Blondel desires, we must follow the movement of the will and awareness while journeying and continuing reflection, but this movement is without presuppositions. Blondel wants to follow the path of the will in a phenomenological way (BC, 9). Let the will of man desire whatever it desires and seek where the will finds peace without the weight of ontological recognition. Following the movement of the dynamic will in life is participation in the ancient movement of the will.

Therefore, the awakening to the dynamism of the human will is a recognition that man has a conscious will (la volonté voulue) and a spontaneous movement of the will deep within man (la volonté voulante) (BC, 7). The spontaneous moving will ignite man in his life, pushing him to continue, journey, and move forward in life. A fountain of human energy that gives meaning to his being as a person, providing orientation in his journey.


The Inevitable Ascent (Inventory)

The spontaneous movement of the will in man provides the orientation for the continuation steps. It is not a forced or coerced continuation but a voluntary one—because stopping is an admission that something is being rejected (LA, 33). Moving forward is a necessity, driven by reflection but by the very movement of the will, a movement arising from the state of insufficiency. It is also a decision that requires the participation of awareness, allowing the movement to continue to follow it. The intensity of this movement of the will can be seen in the entire inventory of human efforts throughout life, and at every step, the "insufficiency" is always glimpsed (BC, 7). While seeking fulfillment and completion, a person desires his intentions to match the spontaneous movement of his will, which never aligns with every effort to harmonize.

This arousal of restlessness from the non-alignment of the will reveals the hidden structure of the human will. An indestructible and undeniable movement of the will always exists in every human intention. The first step Blondel discussed is dilettantism, which denies a problem with action. It is the stance of someone who sees no difference in everything, accepts all contradictions, and has no desire to see if there is any alignment (TC, 56). It is an effort to defend oneself against everything to maintain a hold on oneself—a false completeness. But a hollow completeness because there is no honesty, no stand (LA, 30). A selfish worship of an empty self. Like an endless game, everything lacks a serious giving of oneself. Thus, the very denial of dilettantism is an acknowledgment that there is indeed a problem, an intrinsic contradiction in the position of the dilettante.

A negative response is also not possible. To will nothing shows a contradiction as well (BC, 7). Saying "man's only true end is death, nihilism" is a strong stance of the Stoics. This stance that starts from nothing and leads to nothing requires abandonment because stubbornness alone acknowledges the will's purpose. However, in the spontaneous movement of the will, there is a spontaneous will, and "action has a purpose" (LOA, 84). It is not nothing; there is something sought (LA, 54). This acknowledgment springs from the will that cannot be denied, a necessary acknowledgment and acceptance to move forward.

But what is sought is not just a vague concept. It takes shape; these are the objects of our senses around us (LA, 56). But these objects around us have no meaning without someone gathering them. They appear as a flow of sensory experiences without meaning, purpose, or direction. This is the birth of science, which gathers sensory objects into a coherent whole (BC, 7). Through the unity of two kinds of science, mathematics, and natural science, the actual gathering of sensory experiences is realized (LA, 60). But this coherence is not just a collection of sensory experiences but, beyond this, a whole from the practice of gathering science.

While science organizes sensory experiences and measures according to what appears, it is not enough just to gather. Even if science succeeds, it is not due to its efforts alone but because there is something beyond that performs the actual science and gives purpose to all research. Science requires someone to do science. The unity of mathematics and natural science would not happen without the awareness that synthesizes measurement and observation. "A subject that acts" is needed to embody scientific practice. This subject is an epiphenomenon that cannot be reduced to an object of scientific study but an awareness that forms and practices scientific activities (LA, 91). Awareness transcends the plane of observation and measurement. The subject gives coherence and orientation to the entire movement of science.

In human awareness, one gathers oneself. From past existences as a person—truths accepted, habits, learned—all these form oneself as awareness. However, this awareness is also aware of the possibilities it faces in the future—possible motivations (mobiles) that prompt awareness to respond (LA, 113). Thus, awareness is at the level of rising towards freedom from the bondage of the past. The bondage must be acknowledged, but simultaneously, there is a movement of the will that this is not all. Possibilities are offered to awareness: freedom that may move in the enactment of self, the renewal, and recreation of self. In light of this freedom, the practice of awareness is a decision free from the various mobiles that urge awareness. Thus, it is necessary to acknowledge the bondage, and in the very acceptance, there is liberation (BS, 91). The decision from the freedom of awareness creates a new experience, not entirely different and new, but related to past awareness. However, in the decision, from the light of freedom, the self enters a higher field and level of awareness because a free effort is happening (LOA, 85).

As the movement of the will progresses, freedom rises towards its enactment. Freedom of awareness cannot remain floating but must be realized and actualized. To embody freedom, it needs the body, the movement of the body. The embodiment of freedom in the body is a conditioning of freedom. Non-realization of freedom is not true freedom because it will not be fulfilled. Thus, a condition of infinite freedom is to be finite and embodied (LA, 150). This is the sign of individuality, the uniqueness of each person. Awareness takes a true face from its free decision in the realization of the free decision.

Individuality cannot be realized without interacting with others. "Action is not confined to individual life alone" (LA, 195). In acknowledging uniqueness, there is a necessity to share one's uniqueness with other unique selves (BS, 7). This cooperation creates a deep sincerity, forming individuality into something more than a collection of individuals—society. In this way, the will produces society and humanity (LA, 259). But it does not end there; the will journeys towards the entire universe (TC, 147), into the realm of ethics and metaphysics until it reaches superstition: an effort to seek the fulfillment of the will in the entire inventory passed through by accepting it as sufficient in itself.

It is superstition because the will places an object in the inventory to fulfill all human desires—a religious value is assigned to a limited entity experienced by the will. In the progression of the human will's desire, there is an insufficient condition at every step, a sign that even if the will intended something, it is never sufficient (BC, 8). Thus, superstition is a turn towards the objects passed through, giving them a value beyond their apparent value, making the insufficient appear sufficient (TC, 193). Is this not deceiving the will? It is truly an attempt to replace the finite with the infinite, a substitution of the finite for the absolute, to live in an unreal fulfillment and a shadow of the true alignment of the will.

The will journeys through the inventory of all possible will phenomena, but the native movement of the will remains unquenched; the elan does not die (LA, 300). Therefore, the will must will itself. And in the very contemplation of itself, man experiences an intense thirst still (LA, 301). The will remains insufficient, the elan surpasses its will, the native movement of the dynamic human will remains unquenched. A necessary but impossible transcendence.

From this contradiction, the idea of the Sole Worthy One arises, the idea of God. But it remains an idea until it is realized. The practice and realization of the native movement of the will are the "cement forming and shaping man" (LA, 178). But man will not be fully formed and shaped if left to himself in his effort to realize and fulfill his completeness through himself. It is necessary to realize the idea of the Absolute, but how? Impossible but necessary. But the idea will never reach certainty and fulfillment if the will does not accept and enact the acceptance of God, the will of God. The will remains at a crossroads: decide from freedom to accept God or not:

Yes or no, will he will to live, even to his last breath, to let God reign in him? Or will he pretend to be sufficient in himself without God.... (LA, 327).

Man is faced with a crucial decision. To admit that all his efforts to fulfill himself have failed. This failure must be accepted—that man's desires cannot be fulfilled in this world. Failure happens in every desire, and in every will, there remains an unquenched thirst.

Is this thirst a form of punishment imposed on man? An unending suffering from the awareness that the desires can never be fulfilled by awareness? Indeed, it is suffering, and hell for someone who turns to the objects passed through, outside of God, because the will has chosen the eternal "insufficiency." The eternal thirst is truly suffering, chosen by the will from its freedom if it decides to turn and choose itself.


Divine Will: Awaiting Grace

In the native movement of the dynamism of the will, the true desire of the will is discovered: God. The human will and the divine will unite in the native movement of the will—"a secret marriage occurs between the human will and the divine will" (LA, 342). To turn against this covenant is to choose suffering and ruin of the will. The rejection of the will of God is an adultery of our will's covenant with God's will, the very source of the human will.

To respond to the call of life and enact the human will is a participation in the will of God. God's will is present in the native movement of the human will before everything. But the will goes through a journey from one non-alignment to another level until it reaches the crucial decision to unite with God's will. "A union that forms us, a relationship we desire in ourselves for Him as He desired it from Him for us" (LA, 342).

Thus, this decision gives the human will to God's will. The very withholding of his will from God results in the non-fulfillment of the true realization of desires. The very will kept to oneself, for oneself, hinders the realization of oneself (LA, 345). There is no other path than this alone. Action will not lead to fulfillment if God does not give Himself to man (LA, 346). A free release of self, the human will, and an anticipation of the grace to be given.

This release is as "painful as childbirth" (LA, 348). Releasing not just an important part but the entirety of the human will to receive His giving. In the end, this release is yielding to acceptance, not asking but awaiting because His will reigns in us, which also fulfills the native will. His giving of Himself to man is a gift to be awaited. Thus, following God's will is a continuous act (LA, 378). Faith is a continuous act and fulfillment of God's will. It is an unending release of the human will as the fulfillment of its own will in human life.


Philosophy of Religion

In a phenomenological discussion of the various elements desired by the will, all reflection leads to an awakening to the idea of God. This awakening and acknowledgment do not forcibly emerge but spontaneously arrive, a necessary initiative, because the native movement of the will always experiences "insufficiency." The awakening presents the will with a decision that must be embodied—and this decision gives meaning to all the objects of the will. Philosophy leads to the idea of God, but a leap and a decision to embody faith, presented as a decision in Philosophy, must be made. The objects desired by the human will have true meaning if accepted but not sufficient for man, for himself—who now decides to accept that everything in this world is a failed success. Failure is because nothing in the world, nothing in oneself fulfills, but also a success because an invitation is presented that must open the will and release the will to accept the divine will, the very source that quenches thirst.

L’Action is a philosophy of religion because, from a discipline of rigorous thought, from elegant reflection on awareness, of phenomenology, it leads to an acknowledgment of God who reigns but also liberates. On the one hand, it is an invitation, therefore, in Blondel's entire effort to the "unbelieving mind" (BC, 199). He wants to show that the true desire of the human will is God. But his presentation is not a defense of theology or an effort to defeat arguments against faith. Blondel remains on a calm yet sure path of awakening to God in the spontaneous movement of awareness to follow the movement of the will.

The truth of human freedom and God's grace is also revealed here. The freedom that moves in the human will, but also a freedom that is God's grace to man. For a man to embody this freedom, he must live it. But in the end, he must also release the freedom from his freedom and decide to release it to accept, with freedom, God's will: a renunciation of freedom to be truly free. Isn't this what the will seeks? The alignment of God's will with human will is in releasing to accept the coming of God's will, the sharing of God's self.

Thus, the human condition is "a preparation of the way" to await the coming of what is expected. An advent. The role of the human will is to make room for God's will, so it must release itself to accept the source of its will. It must reject its will to give space to the source of its will. "The human will can only receive from something beyond human hands" (LA, 445), the meaning of life and the destination of the will. Only there does the will find peace in bidding farewell to oneself to accept God's embrace.


So, the word of physical separation 

That begins with the embrace of friends 

Who will part, 

The embrace is always far 

In its tightest hug is 

The word "farewell" (LA, 405).


But one must give all for all; 

There is a divine exchange in life; 

Despite its proud or sensual shortcomings, 

Humanity has enough generosity to become part 

Of anyone who asks for more (LA, 445).

Monday, March 27, 2023

An Interesting Seatmate on my way to Bangkok

 On my flight from Singapore to Bangkok, I had an unforgettable seatmate. Before the flight, I noticed two young ladies trying to communicate with an older female passenger who had placed her feet on the seat and seemed annoyed by the interruption. Eventually, the lady reluctantly moved to the seat next to me, which was not her assigned one.

As soon as she settled in, she removed her high-heeled shoes and put her feet on the chair while reclining her seat. She wore golden rings and bracelets, a flowery red, green, and orange dress, and heavy makeup with red lipstick and nail polish. She even used the flight attendant's hot towel to clean her arms, legs, and feet, but not her face.

During takeoff, she was already snoring with both her feet up. She complied reluctantly when the flight attendants asked her to straighten her seat. Later, she tried to talk to me in Mandarin, but I told her I only understood English. She then stood on her seat to reach for her backpack in the storage bin and left it open when she couldn't close it. A flight attendant had to close it later.

When the FA served meals, she again talked to me in Mandarin, and I had to rely on the FA's translation. She took photos of the food and ate with gusto and slurping. After the meal, she went back to sleep with her feet up. I put my earphones on to tune her out.

Before landing, the FA reminded her to straighten her seat again. But as soon as the plane landed, she unbuckled her seatbelt, grabbed her backpack from the storage bin, and tried to leave before the FA allowed it. The FA scolded her in Mandarin, and she reluctantly returned to her seat, but not before putting her backpack on her lap and wearing her high heels.

As soon as the plane parked, she rushed out like a rhino on drugs, ramming people along the way. When she disappeared from my view, I felt relieved yet fascinated by her peculiar behavior.

My seatmate was interesting, although not the most considerate or polite. I couldn't understand her language, but her body language and actions spoke volumes. It was a lesson in cultural differences and patience.

Harmful Effects of Leaf blowers to the Environment

I have been contemplating purchasing a leafblower machine for our home and farm. While looking for the machine and appropriate brand online, I stumbled on a memo that said, "Avoid Pesticides and Leafblowers." 


So I went to look for why this machine hurt the environment.

Leaf blowers are harmful to the environment for several reasons:

  1. Air pollution: Leaf blowers produce emissions, including carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxides, and volatile organic compounds, which contribute to air pollution. This pollution can harm humans and the environment, particularly in urban areas with high concentrations of people and vehicles.

  2. Noise pollution: Leaf blowers are loud, and their noise can disrupt the peace and quiet of residential neighborhoods and natural areas. This noise pollution can also have adverse health effects on people and animals.

  3. Disruption of natural ecosystems: Leaf blowers can disrupt natural ecosystems by blowing away leaves, soil, and other debris. This can harm beneficial microorganisms and insects essential to soil health and plant growth. Also, leaf blowers can destroy habitats for small animals such as insects, lizards, and rodents.

  4. Waste of energy and resources: Leaf blowers use fossil fuels, which contribute to climate change, and they consume electricity if they are powered by electricity. They also consume valuable resources, such as oil and gas, that could be used better.

Thus, leaf blowers are harmful to the environment and should be used sparingly or avoided altogether if possible. Alternative methods, such as raking or using a broom, can be just as effective and have a less environmental impact.

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Paalam, Padre Roque J. Ferriols, S.J.

 


Alaala kay P. Roque J. Ferriols, S.J.
Mahirap ang magpaalam sa isang gurong naging bahagi ng aking buhay. Naging guro ko si Padre Roque sa halos lahat ng aking pag-aaral ng Pilosopiya: Sinaunang Griyego (Ancient Greek Philosophy), Pilosopiya ng Tao 1 at 2, Pilosopiya ng Relihiyon, Etika, Epistemolohiya/ Ontolohiya, Soren Kieregaard, Sto. Tomas de Aquino / Joseph de Finance, atbp. Bukod sa naging guro ko siya sa Ateneo de Manila University (1991-1993), kasama rin namin siya sa San Jose Seminary bilang Spiritual Director (1989-1993), at noong nagturo ako sa Ateneo de Manila (1996-1998).
Minsan, kasama ng mga kaklase ko, sinamahan namin siya sa kanyang kuwarto sa San Jose habang nagkukuwentuhan ukol sa buhay. Mula sa isang aparador, may mga tubo siyang kinuha - ang kanyang mga diploma. Wala pang cellphone noon, wala ring digital camera. Ngunit naala-ala ko ang diploma niya mula sa Fordham University.
Palagi rin siyang nagmimisa sa aming komunidad sa Colegio. Naroon rin siya tuwing meron kaming Potpourri (isang teatrikong pagdiriwang ng talento). Naging bahagi si P. Roque ng halos apat na taong nasa kolehiyo ako.
Noong una ko siyang naging guro, kabang kaba ako. Bukod sa hindi ako magaling sa Filipino o pananagalog, namimilipit akong magsalita sapagkat galing ako sa Antique. Matigas, maraming "R", at "nagaragumo" ang bigkas namin. Ngunit kapag pilosopiya ang pinag-uusapan, kapag katotohanan at meron ang masumpungan, kahit na anong wika ~ lalabas ang kayamanan ng katotohanan. Dito ko nasilayan ang yaman ng wika - Griyego, Latin, Español. Maalaala ko, ineensayo ako ni P. Roque sa espanyol sa hapag-kainan (main refectory) noong nag-aaral ako kay Señora Torres. Palibhasay ang apat na kurso ko sa Espanyol (Spanish 1-4) ay magtatapos sa isang dulang "Don Quixote de La Mancha."
Nagagalit si Padre Roque kapag may maiingay sa pasilyo ng aming klase (Gonzaga Hall, Bellarmine Hall, Kostka Hall, Faura Hall). Minsan may isang magbabarkadang napadaan at naghihiyawan. Nang malaman nilang klase pala ni Padre Roque ang nadaanan nila, kumaripas silang tumakbo sa hagdanan, habang lumundag si P. Roque mula sa kinauupuan niyang mesa tungo sa pasilyo sabay pasigaw sa isang Fordham accent: "You keep quiet there. We are having a serious intellectual intercourse." Napapangiti kaming patago sa aming mga silya.
Nalundag ko ang hirap ng pananagalog sa unang semestre. Tuwing merong kaming pagsusulit sa susunod na dalawang taon, nauubos ko ang isang Blue Book sa dalawa o talong tanong na kailangan sagutin. Nag-uumapaw ang mga salita, habang hinahabol ng aking kamay at bolpen ang kumpas ang pamimilosopiya, ng meron.
(At meron na rin kaming isang kurso sa Matematika na sa Filipino, guro namin noon si Ginoong Salas sa unang palapag ng Faura Hall.)
Matindi at malalim ang impluwensiya ni Padre Roque sa akin. Malaki ang utang na loob na tinatanaw ko hindi lang sa kanyang pagbibigay mulat sa isang katamaran ng isip, kundi pati na rin sa katamaran ng diwa. Isang pag-ehersisyo ng isip na kailangan gawin araw-araw upang maranasan ang meron. Isang araw-araw na ubos-lakas-na-pagbaling ng diwa na nasa ekonomiya sa larangan ng espiritu. Si Padre ang "nagtuturo ng daliri," gumigising at nagbibigay loob, nagpapamulat ng isip sa akin, mula noon hanggang ngayon. Ang kanyang pilosopiya ang landas na naaninagan ang galaw ng patuloy na paglikha, isang mapaglikhang kilos ng ating Maykapal.
Noong kuwan, binisita ko siya kasama ng isa kong kaklase sa Jesuit Wellness Center. Nagkuwentuhan kami ukol sa Davao, ukol sa kahulugan ng mga pangalan ng mga anak ko (Fyodor Alec at Trevor Myles). Nagtawanan, at nagbalik-tanaw sa nakaraan. At humarap sa kinabukasan ng Pilipinas. Meron siyang ibinulong sa akin, na kailanman aking yayamanin ~ mga katagang ni hindi ko pa narinig sa buong buhay ko.
Nanaisin kong sipiin ang sumusunod mula sa Pilosopiya ng Relihiyon, pahina 14:
Si Alyosha ay nagdadalamhati sa kamatayan ng kanyang minamahal na guro. Itinuturing siyang santo ng mga tao, kaya 't inaasahan niya na hindi mabubulok ang kanyang bangkay. Nagbulong-bulungan ang mga tao. Nalungkot si Alyosha, hindi dahil sa pagkabulok, kundi dahil sa mga bulong-bulungan. Doon siya nakadanas ng hieropaniya: na ang buong buhay makalupa, hanggang sa nakalilitong dalamhati nito, ay pagsasaatin ng banal. Nakatulog siya sa lamay at napanaginipan niya ang namatay. Noong nagising siya, tumayo siya at lumabas sa mabituin na gabi.
"Ang katahimikan ng lupa ay parang naghahalo sa katahimikan ng langit. Ang hiwaga ng lupa at ang hiwaga ng mga bituin ay nagkaisa.
Tumayo si Alyosha, tumanaw at bigla siyang napataub sa lupa. Hindi niya malaman kung bakit niya niyakap ang lupa. Hindi niya masabi kung bakit niya hindi mapigilan ang kanyang pagnanais na halikin ang lupa, halikin ang buong lupa. Hinalik niya ang lupa, umiiyak, humihikbi, dinidiligan ang kanyang luha. At taos puso niyang isinumpa na iibigin niya ang lupa, iibigan niya magpakailanman." Salin ni Padre Roque sa "The Brothers Karamazov" ni Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Sa huli, sisipiin ko ang iyong libro sa huling pahina:
"At sa quinacamtang cong toua ang nacacaparis co, i, isang magsasacang cumita nang alio, uupo sa isang pilapil, nanood nang caniyan halaman, at sa caniyang palayan na parang inaalon sa hirap nang hangin, at sa bungang hinog na anaqui butil na guintong nagbitin sa uhay, i. cumita ng saya.
Munti ang pagod co, munti ang puyat co; at palibhasa, I, capus sa lacas na sucat pagcunan, nguni ang paquinabang co sa pagod at puyat ay na ibayuhay."
Maraming salamat, P. Roque. At paalam.


https://banyuhay101.blogspot.com/2004/08/mga-pakikiniig-kay-soren-kierkegaard.html


Sunday, September 15, 2019

Tula 2: Nakaw na Sandali


Ang dampi ng malambot na balat;
Madulas dala ng pawis.
Nanaig ang katawang pumipiglas;
Sa ilalim na maninipis na kumot.

Habang nanaghoy ang hangin sa bintana,
Mga mata nangungusap;
Humihingi ng pagkakataon
Na isantabi ang mga alinlangan.

Nagsimula sa mga labi,
Animo'y taong naghahanap ng landas sa gabi
Na may malalim na pagnanasa
Mapusok na pangangailangan.

Nagsumpungan ang mga dila sa kalagitnaan;
Mainit na buntong hininga;
Uhaw na uminom ng alak
Sa umalimpuyong kapusukan.

Lasing ang mga diwa;
Mga damit nakahanap ng madapuan;
Pa-isa-isang nahuhulog sa sahig.
Hanggang wala nang matataguan.
Sapagkat ang dalawang nagnanasang katawan,
Uhaw ang nagisnan sa kasalukuyan.

Balat sa balat, dumudulas;
Naging entablado ang sahig
Bumaba ang itaas dahan-dahan,
Busog sa halik,
Buntong hiningang nangungutal.

Bumigay ang mabagal
Sa bilis ng pagnanasa
Dala ng kapusukan
Habang sinusubukan ng katawan
Na uminda sa ligaya.

Napatapon sa luwalhati,
Mula sa bigat ng dagok
Naiwang sumisigaw at basa
Sa kawalan
Paulit ulit.

Habang naririnig ko ang aking pangalan
Nasambit mula sa lalamunan
Habang nagnanasa pa ang katawan;
Nagbibigayan
Lasing sa alak ng kamunduhan.

Niyapos, pinakawalan;
Mangyaring sinusubukan
Na mawala sa sarili.

Ang tamis ng iyong balat
Sa pagitan ng aking mga labi
Walang kasing hawig
Humihingi't umiiyak ng awa.

Habang pinipiga ang natitirang lakas
Mula sa kaibuturan ng puso
Upang marating ang rurok
Ng minimithing pag-iibigan.

Umalingawngaw ang ugong
Tila mga sundalong nagwagi
Pauwi mula sa digmaan
Ng mga higante't titan.

Ngayon tila mga baga,
Pagkatapos ng maapoy na sandali,
Mainit at nakakapaso parin,
Naghihintay ng pagkakataon
Lumiwanag muli
Sa susunod na mga gabi.